By Dan Bodine
You into social origin? Study of primate evolution and such? No, no, reader! I’m not talking about Moses’ father-in-law!
Accepting the fact, first, biblical creationism’s been ruled out as the origin of Life by most everybody but Texas Republicans, top scientists are fully convinced now humans are dead ringers as chimpanzees’ chumps — descendants of the first classy progenitors of higher intelligence and social orderliness in the animal kingdom.
Hee, hee. We’re polished up those cute little monkey shines over the years (as evolving, refining ladies and gentlemen) such that now we’re damn near perfect. But for a little character glitch we’ve yet to work out.
In fact, if it wasn’t was the cat fights on the feminine side and the rudes and the crudes soiling the masculine class, God probably would already be giving us our wings, some of us no doubt think.
But we just got these yáhoos to figure out yet. I’m talking about a Jethro Bodeen, for instance, that clodhopper character in the forever-running TV series, Beverly Hillbillies.
Fine fellow, he is. Handsome dude, too. But his thinking…Well, he talks and thinks like a “backward” hillbilly, he does. More so, he tends to be on the raucous side on occasions. How can he be explained? Really, folks!
To simply say in evolution’s scattered darlings we were left with these socially outcast, hillbilly chimps doesn’t earn anyone wings. God’s heavens are total-species inclusive, remember? All or none! ‘Lessen you can prove one of those unpardonable sins. We gotta do better!
Hijole! From the savannahs of Africa “6-7 million years ago” to the hills of Arkansas is a mighty yawn, yes, but that’s what these scientists apparently want us to believe — e.g., lock, stock and barrel — WE ARE advanced chimps, yes. The whole nine yards.
The latest in this racheting-up of social origin debates is a CNN interview over the weekend with a Penn State anthropology professor, Nina Jablonski.
You Jethros out there will want to hold it against her, no doubt, that she’s Polack. Don’t! She may be married to a Harvard lawyer turned Street-sweeper accountant or sumpthin’ for her name, but this woman is cracker-jack intelligent in her own rights.) The link to the internet story here.
Her new wrinkles to further add credibility to evolutionists are in explaining skin pigment color differences. And how we shed finally most of the facial and body hair. An enlightening read, it is. Go on over to the link.
As an aside, can you believe legislation was introduced early in Austin this term to force schools to teach certain versions of creationism in classrooms. (Story’s link here) How did we end up with so many yáhoos over here in Texas?!
“Jethro, where did your dad’s mom (your grandmother), originally come from? What part of the country? How’d they get to Texas?”
“The Ozarks! In Arkansas. Came in a wagon as a little girl, remember?”
“Wagon? Wagon wadn’t covered probably, I’ll bet, was it Family suffered sun strokes?”
“‘Course not! You said she was destined to become a Bodine, not a Bodeen!”
“…Duh…You a chimp, right?”
“Hee, hee. That’s right, my chump.”
There’s gotta be a way of figuring this out. Somehow.
You mean I gotta kiss that thang over there, embrace it, accept it as part of me before I can be certified genuinely whole?! Huh!
Uh, uh! No way, José! Lemme look around here; I got a second verse to that Whistlin’ Dixie song somewhere. Here it is…
Ok, we ready, ya’ll?! No chimps in these chumps, right?
We don’t care what they say, the radical capitalists’ “Dumb and dumber” just ain’t our cup of tea!
Smoke on that awhile, Jethro.
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